Dates for Sex

Based on our city’s census data, our high number of Starbucks coffee shops, and the fact that there seems to be a lot of cheesy romcom movies and TV shows set here set in our city than any other place on Earth, huge publications like Forbes magazine and Marie Claire have been frequently ranking the Seattle adult dating scene as the center of the singles universe.

However, what do singles in the Emerald City have to say about the Seattle adult dating scene? Does it even exist? If it does, who are the people in it and how do they go about it? Do they even still use the word “dating?”

We dug deep into the Seattle adult dating scene and asked its singletons your burning dating questions. Read on to know about what’s happening in the city’s dating scene.

     20s

What’s it called?

They sometimes call it “hooking up,” and at other times it’s “hanging out.” It’s just hard to explain sometimes. In fact, it’s really hard to explain, because these twenty-something individuals don’t even use the term “date” anymore, although, a lot of them are dating the hell out of each other. According to one mid-20s resident, it’s better if nobody labels it anything, because you don’t know what’s going to happen. If it gets really serious, then you could probably say you’re dating, or going out, or something.

How do they meet?

Via Twitter; at a friend’s shindig; during happy hour at a bar like King’s Hardware in Ballad; or through the city’s Underdog Sports League where it’s actually fine to tackle people who you think are hot. Other options include: clubs like Neumos or Showbox SoDo; cafés, especially at busy independents where you have to share a couch or a table; or at an art gallery event like those happening at the Henry Gallery or Bellevue Arts Museum.

How do they ask?

They do it via Twitter, email, instant messaging, or texting anything but the usual phone call. That’s out. Also obsolete is that old idea about women having to wait for guys to make the “first move.”

Where to go?

Happy hour at Wasabi Bistro in Belltown; hanging out at the Olympic Sculpture Park; pizza at Via Tribunali on Capitol Hill. Other options: having drinks while dancing the night away at the Seattle Art Museum’s “Remix;” loud rock music at the New Crocodile.

You know it’s serious when: You change your cell phone plan to unlimited texting.

Labels: seattle adult dating, seattle hookup, seattle sex dating

Ladies, in having adult sex, whether it’s a one-night stand or not, there is one thing you should always keep in mind: If you do it with someone who is not thinking or not reflective on it, this is a red flag. Anyone who just dismisses something as intense as adult sex has zero respect for the other person or maybe themselves. I firmly believe that every sexual encounter warrants some reflection, although most of mine is filled with self-loathing and self-doubt.

Here is a peek at how my mind works right after having adult sex:

One-Night Stand

More often than not, one-nighters happen after a heavy bout of drinking has clouded my judgment. I absolutely hate that terrible feeling of waking up to realize that there is something different, and then it hits me like a rampaging school bus. I then realize that somebody random is in bed with me. If I’m unfortunate enough to wake up first, I lie in bed trying to piece together how I ended up there like a very difficult puzzle.

After a one-night stand, I always analyze my mental state. How did I end up doing this? Am I lonely? Am I losing self-respect?

Obviously, one-night stands are damaging to long-term partnerships because it’s an accelerated form of relationship. There is no courtship involved that leads up to sex. It’s difficult to get into a long-term relationship that’s not set on a comfortable pace that lets you go through a measured progression of unforgettable moments and lovely surprises.

Girlfriend

If you are in a serious relationship, you give more importance to performance. After sex, I always wonder if she enjoyed it, but it seems corny to ask her directly. This is the point where a debate starts in my head on whether she climaxed or faked it. In addition to this, I go over every tiny negative detail: What did it mean when she sort of laughed? And how embarrassing was that when the condom slipped off? It can only mean two things: either I wasn’t hard enough, or my penis was too small for it. And because I really don’t know if everything about it was good, I tend to dwell on the negative things.

I always try to be sensitive to a girl’s feelings right after sex. It’s rude to just roll off and leave after a guy “finishes his business.” It’s important to linger, laugh together, listen to good music, and yes, cuddle. I must admit that there is some psychological or physiological explanation as to why guys want to immediately move on doing something else as soon as they got off, but they should make a conscious effort to spend time with his woman after sex, even if they want to be at some other place.

Labels: adult dating, adult sex, hook up, hookup, sex dating

Online adult dating is a totally new way of looking for a romantic partner, but it actually simulates traditional dating in “real life” more than you think.

Here are a few examples:

People Love the Virtual Thrill of the Chase

A friend told me about his experience on one of the popular online adult dating services: Users make it known how selective they are. He points out that most attractive women with smart and interesting profiles indicate that they are “very selective” in who they connect with. This is not far from the bar scene where a hottie holding court in the room seems to be intimidating and tough to approach.

My friend is a little confused by this scenario. He thinks it’s shallow, but admits that if a woman responds to whoever contacts her, he is less inclined to find her attractive, even if he likes her profile. Conversely, if he gets a response from a girl who is very selective and responds rarely, he thinks he has done something right to deserve it, and feels more accomplished.

Freedom From Obligation

My friend spent a little time with an “attractive and intelligent” girl he met online. However, there was no spark, so he stopped responding to her messages and calls.

Because of the “virtual” nature of online adult dating, people don’t follow the standard protocol for rejection. If you’re dating a friend’s friend, or somebody you met in person, you might feel like you owe them an explanation. But what’s the point in continuing the charade? Dating online is all about efficiency.

Zapping People

In the essence of efficiency, my friend explained he only responds to women who look attractive on their profile pictures. This is very much the same in real life. I’ve also been told by another cut, funny and intelligent female friend who is into online dating as well that she gets a lot of messages, and she tries to respond to each one. But then it got too overwhelming, so now she simply deletes messages from guys who don’t look attractive in their profile photos without even reading them.

You Are an Advertiser

In the world of advertising, brands have a certain amount of time to throw a sales pitch to their potential customers. In just a short moment, the brand will attempt to make a big point by using a compelling image, strategy, and message.

Online dating is very similar to this. Writing short, but interesting messages to potential partners keep their attention. Who wants to read a long, boring message about your life? Telling just part of the story compels the reader to find out more.

Labels: adult dating, adult sex, hook up, hookup, sex dating

I have to admit that guys say girls are easier to hook up with when they’re on the rebound. A rebound occurs when someone has broken up, or even if that person is still in an adult dating relationship. People are considered to be on the rebound when they are hurting, or if they’ve decided that the relationship is about to come to a close.

Those who are released back into the dating “wild” can react in a variety of ways. They can be like that guy in the movie “Shawshank Redemption” where he’s gotten used to staying in prison that he couldn’t live any other way. I’m not saying that being in a relationship is like prison; what I mean is living in a relationship is different from living single. If you get too comfortable being in a long-term adult dating relationship, you might find yourself very confused when it ends, prompting you to seek companionship at any cost.

In my case, I react the other way when I get released back into the wild: I take time to reflect and try not to hook up or be involved with anybody for a while. I’ve heard that women do this as well. A girl’s friend told me: “She’s not looking for anything as of this moment. She got out of a long-term relationship that just ended recently.”

Just a few days ago, I felt sad to hear that a friend had been hooking up with a lot of random guys. I arranged to meet her in a bar and watched her as she scanned the crowd eagerly. I told her it was okay to go home alone once in a while, but she started to argue with me. After more arguing, I pushed her to see if she could give me a good reason for her recent behavior, until she finally said: “I’m still in love with my ex boyfriend.”

There you have it, the truth. So here was a friend on a major rebound. Eventually, that night, a shady looking dude came slithering in, and then they both went home together. Apparently, the two have been out adult dating for a bit, but of course, this wasn’t meant to be.

A successful relationship involves two people acting selflessly without ulterior motives. And all the random hookups happen when one of, or both of, the people involved just need someone because they are on the rebound.

The rebound asks this question: Is it possible that a woman choose to be with me, not because she’s into me, but because she needs me at the time our paths cross? Does it really matter to her who I am at all?

Labels: adult dating, adult sex, hook up, hookup, sex dating

Just like any normal guy, we tend to exhibit insane behavior, especially in our adult dating lives. We sometimes do stupid things, like making the mistake of generalizing women based on just a few experiences. But then I ask myself, when do us guys exhibit this kind of crazy behavior? Aren’t we experts in practicality? I pondered on this for a moment and then realized that I do have my ill-tempered days and random choleric outbursts although they rarely happen, I must say.

When I thought about the causes of all the stress and anger, I was quite surprised that even I also have my own insane reasons for explaining my cranky behavior when adult dating. So to even up the score, here are a few of my crazy reasons for male PMS:

My Sports Team Lost

Football is a brutal sport. First of all, games are on a Sunday, so when my team loses, I’m left with a baneful feeling of dreading work the next day and lamenting why my team didn’t just run on the crucial 4th and 1 instead of throwing an intercepted pass. I hit the sack thinking about the game, and I wake up still thinking about it. And just like a physical injury, it hurts more the next day. And just like any Baltimore sports fan, it makes me as miserable when the Orioles and the Maryland Terps lose games. I am incapable of doing anything even crack a smile. I do my very best not to take it out on the girl I’m out adult dating with, but there are times when it happens.

I Haven’t Masturbated for a Full Ten Minutes

Yes, this is an exaggeration, but guys do go mad when we aren’t able to satisfy ourselves at an acceptable rate. This reminds me of that old “Seinfeld” episode where the characters try to see how long they could go without pleasuring themselves. They all eventually became cranky by the end of the show.

Work Has Got Me Down

Work always will be universally annoying and frustrating. But why can’t we just leave our anger and frustration in the workplace? I know it’s irrational to be cranky towards somebody who has absolutely nothing to do with work, but unfortunately it happens.

Not Enough Time for Myself

It seems that it’s logical to get annoyed if you haven’t done something fun for a while, so there are times that I really need to decompress. For me, this means Baltimore sports, reading nonsensical stuff on Wikipedia, watching dumb shows on TV, coffee, lounging on the couch, coffee, cooking, and more coffee.

Obviously, I like it when a girl wants to see me, but I can get cranky if I don’t get time to do nothing on my own.

I Am Lost

I frequently get lost, but because I always think I’ll find a way out, I get annoyed when a girl recommends that I ask someone or consult a map.

Labels: adult dating, adult sex, hook up, hookup, sex dating

It’s quite easy to pick up a bad habit like falling for the same person for the second time, or having a steamy make out session with them after being caught in a moment of weakness even if you’ve already had a falling out. It’s easy, comfortable, and familiar. And there are times when you just want to prove that you can do it again, or that you still have power over them.

If you ask me, I think it’s not a good idea to hook up with your ex in most cases. Here are the reasons why making out or getting back together with an ex don’t work out:

You Can’t “Make It Like It Used to Be”

You know it’s the beginning of the end when you feel that things are not what they are used to be. You try to work things out together, but the spark is gone and the relationship has run its course. I’ve been in relationships where I seem so into it when I go to sleep at night, and then wake up the next day wondering why I didn’t feel it anymore.

You Broke Up for a Reason

There is always a reason why a couple breaks up, even if it’s “mutual.” And whatever this reason is or reasons are this means you’re not compatible. You will both undergo changes after the breakup, but there is not much of a chance of you changing and be suddenly compatible again.

It’s Tough for It to Feel “New”

The fun part of a relationship is the early stages, and the best ones retain an element of this throughout its duration. However, it’s pretty tough to find this feeling again if you try to hook up and get back together with someone you already broke up with.

You Might Be Giving In

It’s normal to swear somebody off after a breakup. You promised that you’ll never get back together with them, and you’ve learned what not to look for in a guy. While there’s always risks involved when getting back together with someone, you might feel you’re giving in a little, which is never a good attitude when dating someone. It’s tough to get back with an ex with a clear mind.

If It Ended on a Sour Note, You Might Be Looking Over Your Shoulder

This gives emphasis to the old question: “What makes you think it will be different this time around?” And if you get screwed over again, you feel twice as foolish.

Trust is the backbone of any relationship. It is a frustrating thing like building a sandcastle: It takes a lot of time to build, but can be destroyed quickly. And in the aftermath, it takes much more time and energy put it back up again, but it may never be that same.

Labels: adult dating, adult sex, hook up, hookup, sex dating

In a recent confession, Justin Theroux said Jennifer Aniston thinks it’s hot when he breakdances. So this instinctively made us think about the odd things women do that get men all riled up when they hookup besides, well, cleavage and a nice ass. We asked guys to share those irresistible moves girls do.

”If I talk or grunt too much when we hookup and have sex, my girl will put her hand over my mouth and clamp it shut which gets me even more aroused. I like the fact that she knows what she wants and doesn’t want and has no qualms in letting me know.” – Chris

”I love how my girl hates girly drinks. She often goes for scotch or vodka on the rocks, tequila, or beer. There’s this bad-girl vibe that makes it so hot.” – Brandon

”Whenever I’m busy doing something, like being immersed in work or playing a video game, she just knows when I’m hungry. She’ll just suddenly appear with a snack right when I’m dying to have one. It’s unbelievable!” – Adrian

”I find it sexy when she gets up for work, then decides to go back to bed with me for a while.” – Jeremy

”My gorgeous wife can really get into hockey games. She instantly switches to her thick New Jersey accent and yells at the TV. And when we go to actual games, she totally trash talks. It’s absolutely awesome.” – Mark

”I find it sexy when my girl goes to bed without completely washing off her makeup and wakes up with little black smudges around her eyes. It gives her this mysterious, smokey look.” – Allan

”It may be great when a girl takes care of herself physically, but a six pack can be intimidating. A soft midsection is way more of a turn on for me because it’s feminine and womanly.” – Sam

I went out to hookup with this girl who was pretty much reserved in her everyday life. But once in a while she would put on a faux tattoo for me to find, or clip on hot pink hair extensions which drove me wild. It made me feel like I was going to bed with a different person every time.” – Warren

”I love it when my girlfriend walks through the front door after a workout at the gym. She thinks she looks gross, but I find her sweaty body and disheveled hair is so arousing.” – Matt

”I find it the hottest thing ever when a woman laughs during sex because I know she’s having fun. Dudes wouldn’t want someone who is always serious and overly sensual.” – Adam.

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