Dates for Sex

Looking at the bright side, there may be a lot of times when adult dating is just pure joy—you can indulge in the excitement and energy of meeting a potential partner. However, there are times when adult dating can be a burden. It can really be discouraging because after going through a lot of people, you should have connected with someone already, right? So how come your relationships don’t last? Or even worse, how come they don’t even get started?

If this is always the case, chances are you may have been sabotaging your opportunities of finding true love without even knowing it. In this article, we shall outline seven ways you could be hindering yourself from your own happiness. If you think you can see yourself in one of these situations, consider doing a little soul searching to find out how to get out of your adult dating rut you’re stuck in, and get back on track of finding Mr. Right.

1. Pride: You are too good for him.

If you have been brought up as a spoiled little princess, you can end up thinking nobody deserves you completely. Before deciding he isn’t worth your precious time at all and assessing his relationship potential, look at possible partners as friends first. If he gets through your friends test, you’ve already passed his dismissal because he’s not that attractive or doesn’t make enough money.

2. Envy: You always think there’s somebody better out there.

What is the reason why you are never satisfied with all the relationships you’ve been in? Perhaps the reason behind this is deep down inside you fear that you are not deserving of your success. What you should rather do is focus on the good things in your life at the moment, and this includes men you might be dating.

3. Sloth: You are not actively looking for guys to date.

More often than not, the lack of self-confidence is the reason why you don’t actively seek out men. To hurdle this obstacle, you need to change your attitude towards dating. If you believe you deserve to be in a happy relationship, you will make it your goal.

4. Gluttony: You are too needy.

You don’t have to make your partner prove his love. Letting guys jump through hoops doesn’t give you the proof you want, but in fact, it will most likely drive them away. Instead, give them the opportunity to try and captivate you. If there’s some sort of mutual attraction, don’t be so quick to find fault.

5. Wrath: You hold on to the anger of a past relationship.

All men are not the same. Being a victim of an unhappy relationship in the past doesn’t mean it will happen again in the future. What you need to do is to learn how to trust a man again—without this, you won’t be able to have a successful relationship.

6. Greed: You love the money and not the man.

You cannot have a successful relationship with a fat bank account. In this regard, men tend to treat you like any other possession, and they can have you replaced just as easily. So, what should you look for in guys? His ability to love, trust, commit, respect and live his life devoted to you.

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When you have been in a steady adult dating relationship, when exactly is the right time to say “I love you?”

In reality, there really isn’t one. However, just thinking about it can really be distressing. With your adult dating experiences notwithstanding, it may or may not be surprising that the results of a recent psychology journal study, wherein researches found out that 2/3 of couples, states that it’s the guy who says “I love you” first. Not only that, but men consider saying this momentous, relationship-changing statement up to six weeks earlier than their female partners.

Josh Ackerman, a psychologist at Massachusetts Institute of Technology and author of the study says, “We are constantly bombarded by this idea that love is about women, in a sense.” He continues, “Women are the more emotional ones, and men hide their feelings, but that doesn’t necessarily appear to be the case.”

The study found that gender differences in the timing and functioning of saying those three words comes down to sex. When researchers studied how people feel after hearing this declaration at different points in their relationship, they found that men were happier to say their “I love yous” if they haven’t had sex in the relationship yet —in the hopes that it would lead to sex—and the women stated they were happier to say it once they already had sex in the relationship, as they see it as a sign of commitment. However, when an additional study had subjects split into groups of those looking for serious relationships and those just looking to hookup, they found that like women, men seeking commitment were also happier to hear “I love you” after sex instead of before.

So if you’re feeling love-stoned, chances are your man is, too—and has been for quite some time.

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Blind dates nowadays aren’t what they used to be. Online hookup dating is now the new norm, while social networking, mobile phones, instant messaging and texting have produced all sorts of inadvertent results. A lot of different true and bizarre hookup dating stories have happened out there, so let us identify the following changes that technology has brought upon the dating populace.

• No accountability

In the past, a third party sets up the meeting, which created accountability. You can’t be a complete dick to your friend’s coworker’s brother, as this will get back to your friend. Despite years of trying to follow netiquette standards, nobody has figured out how to enforce courtesy or honesty every place you go.

• Photo trade-off

Online dating is a lot like catalog shopping, with all the fantasizing over photos of the product. A lot of people upload fake photos of themselves that will surely have a negative impact once they agreed to meet up with a potential hook up date. This will most certainly lead to unfavorable consequences.

• A shocking lack of effort

This happens because the pool of potential dates is just so large. It may also have to do with the lack of accountability, but the sheer volume of dates and date possibilities leads to undesirable behavior. It’s rather easy for people to dump a date on the beginning of the meet up.

• Casting the social net(working) wide

Facebook, along with its various predecessors, has made it absolutely easy to casually invite anyone and everyone you’re interested in to wherever you’ll be. This can pose unfavorable disadvantages.

• Perpetually connected equates to perpetually available

With smart phones that are capable of calling, texting, sending and receiving emails and even being tracked through GPS, you never have to call it a night.

• All the available tech makes you more stalkable

A creepy date that ended up with you literally escaping his clutches can happen. However, it does not end there. Some can be harassed through text messaging, IMing, Facebook, etc. When this happens, changing accounts and cell phone service might be prudent.

• Committing to an actual, flawed human being sounds more like “settling”

Romantic ideals most certainly came before the Internet, but there’s something about writing down “What I’m Looking For” that makes it official. You’ve put it out there in the world; you’ve intimidated everyone who doesn’t measure up; you may even believe that you couldn’t possibly be happy with a man who makes less than 50 grand or stands short of 6 feet tall. People can experience these very strict criteria-gone-haywire which can really ruin your quest of finding true love.

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If you don’t know Sarah Lyall, she is like the Yankee version of Jane Goodall, but instead of mist she has fog, and instead of primates, she has a more mysterious species—British men. As a correspondent for the New York Times, Sarah Lyall has lived among the repressed masters of wit for 13 years—and even married one. She has written about them in her new book, The Anglo Files: A Field Guide to the British. So if you are considering going adult dating with a Brit, here are a few things you should know first:

• They exaggerate.

If a Limey tells you he was shackled in a basement while growing up, only fed bones, wore rags and couldn’t go to school, that’s just his way of saying he didn’t get along well with his parents.

• Self-disparagement is their way of bragging.

Underneath all that humility is a man who knows he can bow meekly and not be taken seriously. A perfect example is the two-time Nobel Peace prize winning scientist who characterized himself as “just a guy messing around in a lab.”

• They drink because they care.

When out adult dating with them for the first time, a British man is going to drink more than you—a lot more. This just shows he’s into you because he’s repressed and he wants to loosen up, so he can impress you. However, do not even try to keep up. Ever.

• Not all of them are gay or into naughty spanking, but deep down, they all have the desire to wear your fancy dresses.

Most British men have, at one time or another, worn a woman’s dress. And they even might do it again if they had the chance. We don’t know the reason behind this, but studies are being done to find out why.

• Every Englishman is secretly attracted to Margaret Thatcher.

She is attractive in her own way, and she is a fab flirt. However, she also berated, harangued and shouted at the guys in Parliament. Everyone in her government had a crush on her in a kind of nanny fantasy way.

• You are exotic to them.

American women are inclined to be more open and honest than what they are used to back home and they really like that. Moreover, they can’t place you because America is huge and varied, while England is relatively tiny. And you are smitten with them, which doesn’t hurt.

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There are some rules, if not most, are made to be broken. But when it comes to hookup dating, sticking to certain rules can help you be steered in the right direction. So, now that the year is nearly coming to a close, let’s wipe our romance slate clean and commit ourselves to these three awesome hookup dating guidelines.

1. When it’s right, it’s easy.

If a guy is into you, you would know. If you find yourself stressing over what to text him, or if you are trying to go through every single exchange to figure out why he’s not calling, it obviously isn’t working. You just need to cut your losses and move on to the next—there is a guy out there who is better suited for you. You have to trust me on that.

2. You should not do things you are not comfortable with.

From abandoning friends and to hookup dating too soon, you should not compromise yourself. Learn to pay attention to that little voice inside you. If you listen more and trust your intuition, it’s easier to politely say no to that second date or that invitation to stay for the night.

3. He should make you feel awesome.

In the early stages of a relationship, most guys don’t have the guts to say how great you are. Let’s be honest, this can be quite off-putting. However, how he behaves should show how much he thinks highly of you. If he shows no respect or if he puts you down, again, cut your losses and move on. Why should you stay in a relationship with a guy that doesn’t make you happy?

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If Facebook friendships aren’t complicated enough, navigating through this popular social network while trying to go hookup dating with someone can be brutal. So for the benefit of all concerned, we have conducted a thorough study to list down the most important rules when it comes to hookup dating on Facebook.

DO write your profile information wisely. Always keep in mind that potential partners can see the tidbits of information you put out there for the online world to see. And with regards to your photos, please feel free to untag unflattering party pictures from college. You can always tell him about your wild parties after a few more dates.

DON’T use Facebook as a virtual top of a mountain to shout out about your cosmic connection. Finding Mr. Right is indeed sublime, but if you want to express your love by telling him you love him, you don’t need to post it in your wall as a status update so that 898 of your friends can see it. A romantic gesture to you might be sickeningly sweet to your friends, relatives and your former high school cheering squad teammates.

DO feel free to unfriend an ex. There are two different takes on this one: Some people say it’s bitter and petty, while others can’t withstand the urge to peek, or even flat-out stalk, an ex’s Facebook activity. It’s all fun and games until he changes his relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship,” and then see a barrage of photos in your news feed with his new girlfriend in their first vacation together. Common sense dictates that the use of this web-stalking tool is not healthy when going through a breakup.

DON’T rush in bringing your relationship to Facebook. Uploading photos and tagging them via your mobile phone from under the table is an excellent way to freak him out and have him run in the other direction. Hastily defining your status on Facebook with a hyperlink of a profile name attached to a tag saying “in a relationship with” can easily qualify as being overzealous. Lay off the social network for a while and enjoy your relationship’s honeymoon phase.

DO realize the separation of Facebook and real life. Dates should be arranged via phone, not through Facebook messaging. So, go pick up the phone—or at the very least, send him a text message—when organizing a date.

DON’T attack your ex through a thinly veiled status message. When a scorned ex posts the lyrics to Cee Lo Green’s “Forget You” on her page, everyone will know who is being referenced.

In conclusion, when in doubt, never click on the “Share” button.

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