Dates for Sex

For guys who are too chicken to call it off, let your hot girls do it for you.

• Quit Listening

It’s quite obvious, but if your man is ignoring the little things you say then it just means he’s not listening most of the time. As soon as your girl starts telling you about how awful her day was, just stare into space and say, “Oh well, never mind,” and maybe whistle while you pretend to do something more interesting.

• Lie

If you want to have a night out with the boys, that’s totally fine. However, don’t agree to meet her, call her from a pub, drunk, and tell her you’re still stuck at work.

• Run Up Some Debt

Take a nice deliberate plunge into the red, because for women, it’s a huge no-no to be in a lot of debt. It conveys gross irresponsibility, and it would make hot girls think you’re not capable of taking care of them if they got married and have children with you. The problem with this is you’ll wind up with potentially debilitating credit card bill payments and a likely visit from some burly Russian with intentions of breaking your legs. On the bright side, you’ll have a huge new TV.

• Be Needy

If you want a guaranteed way for your girl to dump you, treat her like your mother. I don’t mean letting her walk you to work or asking her to check for monsters under your bed, no. By becoming unpleasantly dependent, she will soon be convinced that she might be better off with a cat and having an occasional seat on the spin dryer. Don’t put your chin under your girl’s chin. It’s freakin’ weird.

• Pretend to be Illiterate

Many hot girls can’t stand to be with guys who don’t read books, although, it has not been specified if reading the side of cereal boxes and stressing about the proper intake of folic acid count as reading.

• Keep Your Wallet Closed

Have you ever seen Scrooge McDuck with a pretty lady duck hooked to his arm? It’s not because he has this weird thing about only hanging with young boys, but women don’t like to be with mean guys (or duck). Never offer to pay, and don’t make a big deal out of it. Just act as if it’s only normal for her to give you a free ride. Splitting costs is totally fine with women, but being stingy is not.

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